Time to Listen

I wasn't raised in a religious environment, that's not to say that my family isn't spiritual but my parents believe in finding your own relationship with whatever higher power or being you believe in.  I have never doubted God's existence, and I feel lucky for that.  I have always known that He is with me, whether I am right or wrong, lost or found, sick or in health, I have never questioned His love for me.

Saying that though I had not allowed Him to be fully present in my life.  I know that many times throughout my life He has called to me, but I had chosen to ignore the messages given to me.  Not because I did not want to listen but because I did not think that I was good enough, I was scared that I could not become what He believed that I could be.  Of course, the more I ignored the message of His love, the further I strayed from the path that He wanted me to be on, the path that I myself also wanted to be on.

My decision repeatedly to ignore was not one of control: giving my life and love to Him, has finally given me control by knowing always that He is in control.

I had, and have heard, of many people telling me over my lifetime that there was a specific time or event that gave them the epiphany that He had called to their souls, had drawn them into his fold.  I thought to myself, how lucky these individuals were by having a moment that they could clearly remember of when they knew that the Lord truly existed.  Since I have always known he existed and never questioned it, I was somewhat jealous that they had this concrete moment to refer to.

However, I too received my concrete "aha" (thanks Oprah) moment.  On December 6, 2009, I woke up and immediately thought, "what time is it?" like I do each day when I awake.  I looked over to the alarm clock, it read 9:17am, and my heart told me to get up and go to church.  I felt a sense of belonging that I had never felt before. 

It wasn't until later that I realized it was the moment I had been called to him, that unknown to me I had sent out a prayer for something I so desperately needed but had not wanted yet to admit to myself, and He had answered. 

I procrastinated for a while that morning.  I made a cup of tea, I checked my e-mail, as the clock ticked on though I felt restless and knew that I needed to go to church today, this day, right now.

I had not been to a church service in years.  My attendence over my life time had been sporadic at best.  I went to a Presbytarian church in California for a few months while I worked there, and a few community churches in Chilliwack briefly.  I had not been to the Promontory Community Church before but a voice was telling me that there was 10:30 am service that I needed to be at.

So I came by myself. 

This day of December 6, was not a regular service day.  It was a baptism service.  I sat alone in body but not in spirit.  I barely spoke to anyone, but I felt a connection to all of the bodies in the room.  I was welcome.  It didn't matter that my journey to this day had taken almost thirty years, 28 to be exact, the mistakes that I had made before were only significant in the fact that they could now help shape the person that I needed to become.

I know that the prompting to attend this day was because He wanted me to listen to others journeys of salvation, stories that others had of how they came to faith and affirmation that He was here.  He wanted me to follow the path He had laid out and I was finally ready to listen. 

That evening I remembered a book I had bought a few years ago, "My utmost for His Highest : One Minute Devotions - Oswald Chambers".  This book had been sitting on my bookcase, occasionally I had looked at it, reading a devotion dedicated to whichever day I happened to look at it, which was a rare occurrance.  Anyway, upon remembering this book on December 6th, I decided for curiosities sake to read today's devotion.

Genesis 9:13 "I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the Covenant between Me and the earth"


Oswald Chambers added "It is the will of God that human beings should get into a right-standing relationship with Him, and His covenants are designed for this purpose.  All the great blessings of God are finished and complete, but they are not mine until I enter into a relationship with Him on the basis of His covenant"

WOW was all I could think - talk about a sign AGAIN to me.  Finally I am listening!