Food For Thought - and it's not going away

Yesterday the church service was about Substitutionary Atonement.  I knew and know that Jesus died on the Cross in order to wash away our sins.  I don't remember when I learned that, but it is the core part of Christianity and I know that he did that for me, for you, for all of us.  "God sent his only begotten Son..." - that is something I knew but in reality never paid much heed to it.  When you stop and think about how God was willing to sacrifice His child for us, for the sinners upon this Earth, to allow us to be free to come to Him and be part of His love....well to me that has always been mind blowing.

I am not a mother, yet I cannot imagine allowing that fierce love as a parent to allow your child to die an earthly death so that they will save the lives of millions more.

So as the pastor explained the true meaning of Atonement - I felt moved.  I listened.  I heard the message.  And I got what it was that God had intended to allow to happen to me, to you, to all of us.  He doesn't want us to self-atone and punish ourselves repeatedly for everything we do wrong.  Yes, we do need to admit our sins, but He will forgive us.  He has already sent His son here to ATONE for whatever sins we are going to commit.

In our society it is hard to accept true forgiveness. We are made to feel so guilty for so many things.  We don't live enough, we don't cry enough, we don't feel enough, we don't help our neighbour enough, we eat too much, we drink too much, we drive too much, we hurt others too often - in general we just don't care enough.  We make mistakes, we don't take chances, we leap before we look.  Yet God knows we are going to do all of that before we are even born but it doesn't affect His love for us, for me because He has already forgiven it, He has already had His son atone for my sins.

I have had others say and do things that they don't mean to me, and I have forgiven them.  I have said and done things to others that I didn't mean, or maybe meant at the time, but have been forgiven for them.  Yet eternal forgiveness about the really big stuff is a harder pill to swallow.  I know when I have sinned, and to know that He will forgive me because I am His child as well makes me feel so guilty at times for allowing myself to sin.

I have to teach my heart and mind to understand that I am forgiven allow that burden to be lifted from me.  This is my goal this week, to remember each day that I am forgiven for what has passed has before.  That He is now there for me, and will help shine the light that I need to follow.  The path He has created for me is here now and while I might stumble in the potholes, if I stay on the road, on His road, I will get to the place I need to be.

So for the past day Substituionary Atonement has been on my mind  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substitutionary_atonement).  I want to lay my guilt away, not allow it to be weary upon my shoulders, and take this knowledge and live free.  Allowing myself to not be world weary but joyous that He will be there for me.  God doesn't want me to live downtrodden and disheartened.  He wants me to LIVE, to enjoy this Earthly world He has provided me with, so that I can enjoy His Heaven! 

It is definitely a process to allow myself to get used to this idea of thinking.  So I am trying to go through and admit all of my sins to Him so that I can unburden myself of them.  While I am heavy with my guilt and shame of the sins I have committed I can't fully embrace my true relationship with God.  And I am so hungry for a full and plentiful relationship with Him.

I have always had in the back of my mind a voice saying that I was not worthy of God's forgiveness, but my opinion is not His.  He has already forgiven me if I will accept it.  And it is harder to think of yourself as worthy.  So I am retraining myself to understand that I AM worthy, I am deserving of His love and forgiveness.