Smiling and Standing Strong

I've stood and wondered, had times where I've reflected on a problem or on a situation and wanted to know the answer right away.  The times, where given a choice you could figure out what to do, but without being presented a choice you have no idea what to do.  Sometimes the choice of nothing is what you take.  Doing nothing, waiting for the nothing that you did to somehow become the something that fixed it.  Eventually though nothing does not become something and until you do something the problem can't become nothing.

Other times something happens and you know immediately what course of action to take, you know the answer, you know what to do, you know how to solve the issue, you know exactly what you must do.  Knowing what to do is not always the easiest choice.  Doing the right thing normally is the hardest decision to make.  Even harder when you realize that the right decision you are making is going to impact at least one life in a negative way, even when it's justified.

Today I had to face someone from the past, someone who is having to face the consequences for their actions.  I think for 6 months they had run away from what had happened, pretending that it would all go away.  I knew that I had to remain strong and dedicated to what I believed, justice though is a bittersweet ending.  Knowing that I did no wrong, and am only standing for what is right doesn't make me feel the best though.

When this event (I'm not going to go into detail on that right now, in the future, definitely) occurred, I had wanted to run to God, because I knew that He was there for me.  But I didn't go right away, not because I didn't want to but because I did not want my relationship with Jesus Christ to stem from something negative that happened.  I knew that coming to God, becoming true and peaceable with my faith was imminent and was going to happen soon.  I refused however, to have this person be the reason why I was with God.  I did not want that person to have anything to do with my relationship with Christ.  I refused to let them sully that connection.

So today when facing this un-named person from the past, I was stronger than they had known me.  I had no need to look away because no matter what they say, I am stronger, I have the best person I know to be on my side, God.  I can say what needs to be said without anger, or violence, or hatred, or fear, because quite frankly that person no longer has any control in my life.

I could have done nothing, moved on with my life and never had to face them again.  It would have been the easiest choice to make.  However, I would not be able to really sleep peacefully if I had let this go and eventually allowed someone else to be hurt by my inaction.

I realized today, that while I no longer have any anger to that person, I am glad they are receiving justice on this Earth, not because it vindicates me but because I don't have to deal with it anymore.  I am free of them.  They have no hold over me, and thankfully someone else had to deal out the earthly punishment for their actions.  I don't have to carry this with me anymore.  One less burden for me.  All I need to do is tell the truth.

On another level I realized that I was no longer angry because I don't need to be.  In giving myself over to God I have allowed him to take my fears and my hurts and do with them what He will to protect me.  I will not have to answer for another persons actions on the day of judgment, only my own actions.  This other person will also have to face their actions on that day, and so God will deal with this accordingly.

I also could stand strong today understanding that I have forgiven this person.  To truly mean forgiveness is to feel a burden lifted.  For months I wasn't sure that I could ever forgive that person for what had happened.  Forgiveness though, doesn't set them free, but sets me free.  So this person is forgiven, that doesn't mean I will forget, but I refuse to let my heart be hardened by them.  And so I forgive their actions, and I no longer have a need to be concerned with what they do.  And by doing that, I am freeing more of myself for what I believe and the course that I want my life to take.

So today I learned that I did the right thing, I don't have to pay a price for doing that, I can still smile and have a happy heart, and I truly forgave someone to set myself free.

After dealing with that I got to meet some people, discussed God, and found that inspite of waking up dreading today, it actually turned out to be a good day, a day that my faith began to form a little deeper, and my heart is full, happy and light, and tomorrow is still that promised hope.