Is it too easy?

Since I have realized this is my right path, since I have chosen to accept that Jesus Christ is my Saviour, I have not doubted that He is true, real, and is everything that I have ever thought Him to be.

Except I wonder if I have believed too easily.  Should I have doubts?  Is it natural and right to question Him, yet I don't feel that I have to?  Is it because my true faith is so new to me that there haven't been any tests yet of my faith?

God created us to have free will, and my will has been to chose a life that will now be RIGHT with God.  Since that moment that I knew my heart was open and accepting I have felt so many revolutionary changes in myself.  I see and feel changes within relationships that I have.  Somethings positive, some are sad to let go of.

The hardest thing that I have found is that by choosing Jesus Christ, I see that some of my friendships are becoming empty.  The way I relate is changing.  The concepts of my reactions are altering.  I feel like the changes are revolutionary to me, and in reality may only be small yet they set me apart from some of the people I have held dear for so long.  I wish them to know the same joy and love that I am feeling.  I am talking to them about it, their skeptical minds are trying to find reasons to not listen.  I don't want to push them away by being "too religious" though.  Argggh, it's a crossroads for sure.

Even that though is not enough to make me doubt what I know is right.  I could turn away and resume my old ways, go back to living without Him, but to do that would be to live a lie.  And, quite frankly I couldn't bear to leave the fledgling relationship I have been creating with Christ.

I don't feel any doubts yet, I trust and have faith that He knows what He is doing.  That He will guide me to where I am supposed to be, will help me make the right decisions.  I've heard of people having this great turmoil in turning to Him, in finding His word to be true and having to overcome obstacles to have the ability to have faith in Him.  Yet something so amazing to me doesn't feel like it has any obstacles to overcome.  Yes there are very few people in my life aside who believe in Christ and follow his teachings and are Christian in more than just name, but I don't feel that this is a barrier to my faith in means.  I don't feel any great turmoil to change the way I was living to be a better person in the love of Christ.  I want and will try my best to be the person Christ wants me to be.

I accept that I will make mistakes along the way, will do things that will test my ability to live in His shadow, but I don't want to fall away from Him.

Someone asked me what I would do if at the end of this life I found out that Jesus wasn't real, that this whole "religion thing" was a sham.  My answer:  I would rather live my life from this point on trying to be what Jesus wants me to be, would rather live being a better person that I used to be, would rather know this true joy in my heart that I have felt these past few weeks to continue.  I want to be able to know that I every day I make a choice to follow in Jesus, to try and live free of sin from this point on.  I know that I am a sinner, that I have sinned, I know that He died for my sins, and in all likely-hood I will sin a few more times before my time is up.  I want to follow His word.  And if, at the end of my earthly days I find out that I was wrong, well so be it.  And it shall be that while here on this Earth I lived as best as I could.  And if you want someone to emulate, Jesus is a pretty awesome person to pick.  I would still be able to stand, humbled, at the end and at least know that I tried to live with compassion, love, faith, hope, courage, and joy.  And if it's all in vain, at least I would know that I did the best I could with what I was given.

But I don't think that I will find out it was lies, this discovery feels like the greatest truth.  I feel this truth when I read the bible, when I pick up other books on Christianity.  I feel the comfort to my core that I am reading relevant truth to my life.

I find it is easy for me to truly believe in Jesus Christ.  It's harder to know that in my faith I am faced with my sins head on, He died for me so that I could let them know, but the guilt is still there on me through the smiles, yet I can know live consciously of Him.  I haven't always lived with Christ, yet I intend to from now on.